Garth Brooks has an incredibly popular song called "Unanswered Prayers." (I'm sure you all know it, and if not....Google it) Before you tune me out, let me bring some clarity to the situation and tell you that I am NOT about to spend the next 10 minutes writing about my love for a country song from the 90's...don't worry.
Anyway...in the chorus, he says "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers..." I don't believe that God doesn't answer prayers...I firmly believe that each and every prayer is answered one way or the other, even if it isn't answered the way you hoped it would. However, I do get what good ole Garth was trying to say. Tonight, I had the opportunity to thank God for some of the "unanswered" prayers in my own life.
I was procrastinating from several little things on my to-do list, which led me into an hour long Facebook session. You all know what I'm talking about...clicking from one random person's profile to the next...checking up on people that you haven't talked to since high school...you know, basically wasting time doing absolutely nothing. While creeping from one facebook page to another, I ended up looking at the profile of a guy I very briefly dated in high school. No, I won't say who it was, but let's just say that for a long in middle school and the first few years in high school, I thought this boy hung the moon. I can still remember getting so nervous whenever he'd walk into a room, going completely out of my way to speak to him, and making sad, desparate attempts to make him notice me. At 14, I was convinced that I had found "THE ONE."
In high school, after years of pining away after him, he asked me to be his girlfriend...and we dated for three whole months. Everything about the two of us dating was awkward from day one...but then again, I guess 95% of middle and high school relationships are. Regardless of the awkward side hugs, having nothing in common, and the fact that we didn't agree on anything, I was on cloud nine. Needless to say, the relationship was short-lived and my poor litle high school girl heart thought I'd never recover. (Don't worry...I did...I guess I've always been a bit theatrical...)
Fast forward to tonight...as I looked at his facebook (we've probably not talked in six or seven years) I saw how vastly different his life path is from my own. (By no means am I criticizing him....we just seem to have even less in common now than we did back then.) I began to think about all the times that I prayed asking to God to help him like me...that God would make him "The One"...that he would get butterflies when he saw me like I did him. That of course led me to think about the guys I've liked or dated since then, and all the prayers that when along with them. As I sat remembering all the "God...I feel like he is perfect for me...please let this work" prayers since middle school, I was able to say only one thing: "Lord thank you for saving me from this." Again...not criticizing anyone from my past, I am just so thankful that God, in His infinite grace and wisdom, kept me from settling for anything less than the absolute BEST He has to offer me. (I'm not just talking about God's best in dating or marriage...but waiting for God's best in everything.)
For anyone who knows me well, it comes as no surprise that a desire of my heart has always been to be married and have children. Had things gone the way I planned, I would already be married by now. But things rarely go as planned...do they? Had I followed the plans that I had dreamt and written up myself, yes I would probably me married by now....but I would have completely missed out on all of these incredible little adventures that God has taken me on in the past few years.
At any point, when I prayed all those completely self-centered prayers about this guy or that boy God could have said "Okay... he's not really what I was thinking, but you totally deserve to be happy, so go for it and just let me know how it goes..." But instead, each time He said "No, precious daughter, this isn't my plan for your life. I know its hard, and I know it hurts right now, but just trust me, I promise I won't let you down." Please understand that I have fought Him tooth and nail for the things that I thought I so desperately wanted. I have spent so much time believing the lie that God doesn't really want good things for me or that He somehow forgot about His promises to me while fulfilling His promises to everyone else. It was only until recently that I really began to see the Truth that He was trying to share with me all along...the He is not slow to fulfill His promises nor does He have anything but my best interest at heart. Not that my best interest necessarily means being happy or always getting what I want. Sometimes my best interest means tearing me away from the guy who would stand in the way of intimacy with my Creator or sending me to spend my summer in a foreign country with no one to understand my heart to teach me to rely on my Savior...not people for strength and encouragement.
Yes, my life could have easily taken several different turns...none of which included missions, or nursing, or still being single at 23...(gasp!) But God is good...He is gracious...and He loves me far more than I will ever comprehend. My life right now is very much a waiting game. I have no clue what I am doing next week, much less where I will be working and living next month. I'm waiting on a job...waiting for answers about the dreaded "next steps" and yes, I am still waiting to be married. But our God is sovereign...and He truly wants good things for us...so in that, I take comfort. No matter what season of life we find ourselves, we have to pray for the grace to be content where we are.
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance" -2 Peter 3:9
